i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
