I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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