I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
