He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
