glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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