yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
