who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
