Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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