I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
