I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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