Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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