Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
