It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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