What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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