Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
