good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
