Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
