Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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