all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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