i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
