dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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