i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
