I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
