remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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