How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
