you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
