She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
