What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
