GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
