i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
