im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
