he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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