please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
