I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
