you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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