I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
