Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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