come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm both gender and math confused
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
