i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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