I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
