yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
