I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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