What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
