My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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