jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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