I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
