My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
