apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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