how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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