they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
