she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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